Studying psychology along with art, sooner or later I would have come across the topic of "color psychology" and its frequent use by different companies, other artists in different fields and almost everywhere. I am interested in many things related to people, as well as their personal reactions/associations to the same colors, their beloved and hated shades. Perhaps, most likely, your favorite color is green or blue, firstly, because of the statistics, and secondly, because they are the ones we encounter most in everyday life, and sometimes such knowledge can be used to hook, to interest a person infront of a canvas.
The favorite colors of mine are #859aa1, #354230 and the color of the sea foam, if i ever can be more specific. All by cause of the huge number of potted plants that surrounded me throughout my childhood, and my long-term connection with the sea. For some these shades may appear too dull or common, but for me, individually, they warm heart, because they are filled with my memories and desires. And I think this is the magic of color, when it becomes something more than just a motley environing spot.
I am thinking about redesigning the site to be more convenient and spacious, perhaps I have driven myself into some limits because of the poor coding experience. There are many ideas that I would like to implement, for example: a "secret room" and an introductory screen, a larger or even several windows (it is quite stuffy in here).
Also recently finished the "Computer Friend" by Slugzuki and accidentally stumbled upon the developer`s old site. It was so lovely, wonderful place and so close to my own first ideas, but i did not expect to synchronize so much with a complete stranger, absolutely amusing.
Did I mention my love for reading? I have soft spot for classics, old psychology and poetry textbooks. There is a room with a large sofa in my apartment, it is quite spacious, moreover lonely, so it is often cold there even in summertime; reading there is one of the few quiet activities I enjoy. It`s something like therapy but free.
I share this passion with some of my dear friends, we discuss many of books and topics(!) Together we jokingly created an online reading club, but to be sincere, I would actually wanted to form something like that in real life, go to book store`s together and read in a group. Are teenagers interested in that kind of thing these days?
I recently started reading "My Year of Rest and Relaxation" by Ottessa Moshfegh(!) It's a little more pages than I expected, even so maybe I can finish the book in three sittings. Unexpectedly for me, this book mentions sex and genitals too often, but maybe that shows how intimately honest the book is, hiding absolutely nothing about a person who is clearly not in her right mind and state.
For a long time I couldn`t start reading, I was held back by a sticky feeling, sense of something unknown to me at the time. Now I understand, I was afraid to face the revelation of the main character, in whose place I could have stood, if my condition had been slightly worse. I could have hibernated my year away in dreams and movies, living in complete detachment from the place and people. I could, but gladly pulled my mind together at the most fortunate moment.
Oh, just remembered the "Girl, Interrupted" reference. The book is filled with this kind of things, and I was glad to recognize something familiar among. It`s been a while since I watched the movie, I remember being stressed for two days after, without possibility to get the ending out of my head. I`m going to read the original memoir after Ottesa's novel, someone please wish me luck..
I`m on page thirty now, hope to finish reading by Friday, considering my working hours it will be pretty easy.
Now that I am more socially active, it turns out that numerous people want to be friends with me. It was quite unexpected, but feels nice. Actually, it used to be different in the past: I was a strange figure, maybe even too much, really. After a few years I`m exactly the one who people find enough pleasant, and I consider this my personal achievement(!)
I am incredibly grateful to my friends for all the good moments I will remember with warmth. I adore them, sincerely, they don`t even imagine how much they do for my peaceful existence. I can finally be myself surrounded by loved ones, all that remains is to improve my mental health, it is difficult but possible, will hope for the best.
Nostalgically recalling the works I read before, I remember "Mariko" with sense of bittersweetness, how much this story touched me at the time. "My Broken Mariko" seems so intimate, such naked feelings are described so simply, at the same time all the complex emotions are concentrated at the bottom of my heart when rereading, these are heavy emotions of grief and guilt. Absolutely adore this work, I hope to find something similar someday.
Continuing with the theme of deep emotions, I really appreciate the author`s ability to show such touching moments, stories, simply something so personal, I`m sure, that even a person who has never experienced such things will shed tear of grief.
I am a very simple person by nature, trying not to complicate my days and live in delight despite everything, but while reading "Mariko" I allow salty memories of the past to hover in my head endlessly, each time they hurt less and less, I cry and let them go along with tears. Once again, sinking to the bottom, I find the strength in myself to put head in order. Such stories help a lot, honestly. (!)
This is the first time I`ve created a website or done anything like this, not counting those times in computer science classes in middle school. It was a nice experience to learn and definitely interesting to see the creativity of other users in their designs, their stories and art, people here are really skilled.
While coding this place I kept in mind the "Lain Experiments" and "Last Seen online" games atmosphere, for the most part I was inspired by them, the idea of a piece of soul left in another person`s computer fascinated me. For the record, the last message in the previous log was just a reference to Chisa.:)
I feel awkward writing these letters to myself, but maybe it can help, in some way, to be more honest with my guts. I hope for the best and keep trying, N would say that`s one of my positive traits.
Hello. It is my first note, hope that soon I will get used to and will share my thoughts here more often. I have a whole bunch of them, and, to be honest, they bother me a little: initially it was for my own mental peace that I started this log. Of course, there won't be many visitors here, but I don`t really care, this place was initially created for me and my future self, like a high school diary that you reread as an adult.
I am a little shy to write in English, friend called my writing style unusual, like something from a formal letter, is that really so? Hope it is still readable enough(!) I`m not used to forming such monologues in this language, but I`m trying my best to describe thoughts in a clear way.
Now this is my digital home; this is where I will live, even after death(!)