Now that I am more socially active, it turns out that numerous people want to be friends with me. It was quite unexpected, but feels nice. Actually, it used to be different in the past: I was a strange figure, maybe even too much, really. After a few years I`m exactly the one who people find enough pleasant, and I consider this my personal achievement(!)
I am incredibly grateful to my friends for all the good moments I will remember with warmth. I adore them, sincerely, they don’t even imagine how much they do for my peaceful existence. I can finally be myself surrounded by loved ones, all that remains is to improve my mental health, it is difficult but possible, will hope for the best.
Nostalgically recalling the works I read before, I remember "Mariko" with sense of bittersweetness, how much this story touched me at the time. "My Broken Mariko" seems so intimate, such naked feelings are described so simply, at the same time all the complex emotions are concentrated at the bottom of my heart when rereading, these are heavy emotions of grief and guilt. Absolutely adore this work, I hope to find something similar someday.
Continuing with the theme of deep emotions, I really appreciate the author`s ability to show such touching moments, stories, simply something so personal, I`m sure, that even a person who has never experienced such things will shed tear of grief.
I am a very simple person by nature, trying not to complicate my days and live in delight despite everything, but while reading "Mariko" I allow salty memories of the past to hover in my head endlessly, each time they hurt less and less, I cry and let them go along with tears. Once again, sinking to the bottom, I find the strength in myself to put head in order. Such stories help a lot, honestly. (!)
This is the first time I`ve created a website or done anything like this, not counting those times in computer science classes in middle school. It was a nice experience to learn and definitely interesting to see the creativity of other users in their designs, their stories and art, people here are really skilled.
While coding this place I kept in mind the "Lain Experiments" and "Last Seen online" games atmosphere, for the most part I was inspired by them, the idea of a piece of soul left in another person`s computer fascinated me. For the record, the last message in the previous log was just a reference to Chisa.:)
I feel awkward writing these letters to myself, but maybe it can help, in some way, to be more honest with my guts. I hope for the best and keep trying, N would say that`s one of my positive traits.
Hello. It is my first note, hope that soon I will get used to and will share my thoughts here more often. I have a whole bunch of them, and, to be honest, they bother me a little: initially it was for my own mental peace that I started this log. Of course, there won't be many visitors here, but I don`t really care, this place was initially created for me and my future self, like a high school diary that you reread as an adult.
I am a little shy to write in English, friend called my writing style unusual, like something from a formal letter, is that really so? Hope it is still readable enough(!) I`m not used to forming such monologues in this language, but I`m trying my best to describe thoughts in a clear way.
Now this is my digital home; this is where I will live, even after death(!)